She starts out by showing what a poor foundation for marriage she laid. She basically got married to get away from home. With that being the main reason for her marriage, that union was already in jeopardy. She identifies her personal selfishness as the root cause. As she writes, "I was loud, bossy, a pushover, and I would embarras you in a heartbeat if I thought you were trying to get over on me.... I had the "this is how I am-- take it or leave it" kind of personality. It caused a lot of problems for me." Like many of us, she became an expert at wearing a mask because she wanted others to think the best of her...portraying her marriage to be a happy one externally, when internally it was rotting and would only get worse.
The constant anger and fighting between her and her husband led them each to different but equally destructive coping mechanisms. Her husband would find any reason to stay away from home, working late or fishing for hours on end. Alcohol became his mistress as he spent many days drunk.
For her, her outlet became other men. She describes her addiction to pornography as her initial coping mechanism which eventually led to flirting and cheating on her husband with men. Ultimately, another family even got divorced because of her indiscretions.
If they were not apart engaged in their own separate worlds of self destruction, at home they were either fighting bitterly or taking refuge behind a huge impenetrable wall of silence.
Her story, however, illustrates the power of God's love and how it can heal and mend the most broken of relationships. The tools that God uses are vulnerability, forgiveness, and commitment to God. It is the gold by which the broken pieces are welded back together.
The first step god asks of us, is often the most difficult. It is the broken and contrite spirit. It is confession. Confession to God and to those we've wronged. And yet, that is the most crucial step required to create the glue of trust. And so one must become vulnerable. She laid herself bare in front of her husband and in front of God...confessing everything she had done. It was hard and it was painful, but it created the same from her husband as well. Trust engenders trust. Hatred engenders hate. All too often, when engaged in patters of self destruction and terrible deeds, a cyclical pattern and addiction emerges taking us lower and lower into greater and greater depravity.
Only divine forgiveness has the power to stop the cycle, to stop hate, to stop the negativity, the revenge, the anger, and all the negative power of this world. The forgiveness from her husband and from God, undeserved, unmerited worked the magic to change her life.
Eventually, she made the commitment to giver her life and her marriage to God. It was no longer about her. In her brokeness and vulnerability, God's forgiveness was able to break down the walls of anger and selfishness around her heart. Her heart was now open to God's love, and as her heart filled with love, she was now able to love in a truly selfless way.
Their marriage has completely changed, the pattern of self destruction stopped. The porn, the cheating, the drunkenness a thing of the past. And while she does not proclaim to be perfect, she has her eyes fixed firmly on God. Their marriage continues to thrive and grow...all thanks to the tender mercies of God.
No matter how messed up someone is, people can and do change through the power of God. Thousands have. And so can I, and so can you.
You can read Jennifer's story in much greater detail from her blog post here: http://jennifersikora.com/about-me-jens-journey/my-testimony/